Tag: Faith

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Be Not Afraid

There appears to be much debate over how many times that God tells His people not to be afraid. Some say 365 (once for every day of the year). Many reliable sources say the sentiment, if not the exact words, actually appear somewhere closer to one-third that many times, but the message is still pretty clear.  God wants us to fear only Him and if we do, we will not have reason to fear anything else. The connotation of fear of the Lord that the Bible refers to is not the “quaking-in-your-boots” sort of fear that we think of today but more a “love and obey” type of thing. Trust plays a huge part in this idea. If we obey God’s commands and trust in His promises for us, we show Him our Love (yes, that’s Love with a capital L) then God is always Faithful to His Promise. Be not afraid, fear not, or don’t be afraid are not reckless statements, not instructions to possess false bravado. Be Not Afraid (again, notice the capitalization) is a command from God Almighty meant to give us peace.

Fear Is A Liar

Credit: Naasoom Azevedo; Unsplash

We all wrestle with demons. The Evil One loves to torment and distract us. He loves to cause us to fear. Maybe we fear the future, the unknown, or just uncertainty over a job in turmoil, but as Zach Williams says “Fear is a Liar”. Fear can, and so often does, rob you of strength, of focus, of peace of mind, and in the worst cases, of the very will to live.

What is your Flavor?

We all have our particular fear, the thing that gnaws at us, keeps you awake at night. My own peculiar flavor of fear is anxiety.  Anxiety is the dis-ease that causes one a nagging disquietude, an uneasy restlessness over things that are unknown or beyond one’s power to control. It is quite debilitating and many suffer from anxiety’s clutches. We mostly suffer in silence, feeling somehow responsible for things that may or may not be real or rational. Many feel somehow less than we should be. Lots of us become ashamed of our perceived failure and we keep it to ourselves, as best we can. No one likes a public shaming. I have been suffering from just this type of fear for the last couple of months.

Credit: Pixabay

I have neglected you, my readers, but I have also neglected myself and my wife. I have given much energy, too much, to being anxious over things beyond my control. I hated it but it has been kicking my backside. I was unable to be as I truly want to be. Thankfully, through God’s Grace, I am slowly regaining my equilibrium, crawling out from under the weight of my anxiety..

Don’t be Anxious About Anything…

Paul tells us in Philippians, chapter 4, just what I need to hear (maybe over and over). He admonishes the church at Philippi that Jesus is at hand and that they should give thanks for all that they have and while rejoicing in their spirit they should pray to God, in the name of Jesus Christ to provide for their needs. The message is the same for Christians today. I obviously need these words etched onto the back of my hand. They are some of my favorite in the Bible.

 

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.       Philippians 4:6-7 ESV.

Be Not Afraid

This is some profound stuff! I have heard it paraphrased all my adult life. But until just now I had not put the second verse together with the first.  The promise in the second verse is the part to hang your hat on.  Paul is telling us that if we do a simple thing, God promises to give us a greater Peace than we can imagine. Talk to God,  He has got this! Whatever this is. We are never alone. When God is for us who (or what) can stand against us? Why be distracted by fear?   Anxiety and fear, the tools of the Devil, can have no effect in the face of God’s protection and love. Be not afraid.

Abba, I pray that you have mercy on all of us who suffer from any kind of fear. Watch over us as we sleep and bring us Your Peace.  Reveal our inner strengths to us and increase in us the knowledge that our strength comes from you, the One God Almighty. In Jesus’ Holy Name I pray. Amen

 

 

 

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Get Thee Behind Me Satan, Part II

When we last spent time together, I began to tell you a bit of what has been going on in my life lately. Most of what I shared was good, very good. I am richly blessed. But not all was good. I am afraid that because of the good and also due, in part, to my own lacking prayer life; I became the target of Satan’s attention and thus fell victim to some of his provocations and vexations. Satan’s attacks are obviously a clear and present danger today. They are growing more prevalent by the hour.

I believe that the Evil One takes particular pride in causing trouble for those who belong to God. If the Devil owns your soul, why need he bother to hinder you or cause you misery? He does not need to test the depth of your faith. However, it his very nature to sow doubt in the minds of Christians. The Devil is crafty and sly. He has been tempting man and plying his slick skills since the Garden. I believe Satan doubles his efforts to distract or cause trouble for those of strong faith, especially those who are doing the work that God has given us to do. We are taking away souls to whom he lays claim, helping them to choose Good over Evil. To choose Christ and be saved.

A Blip on Satan’s Radar

Last time I wrote about the successes I believe that I was having in the name of our God. I was careful not to claim any of the glory for myself. I am guarded

Satan’s Radar

to boast in God alone. I am pretty sure that God has not been taking me down a peg or two due to my own pride. All that I need, is to know that I glorify God. I am driven to use the gifts that He has given me for His glory. I am guilty, however, of dropping my guard. I was lax in my praying for God’s protection from the Evil One’s ministrations and I believe he wanted to be a speed bump in the road of my ministry.

The Attacks Begin

The first obstacle and distraction took place as my blood sugar took a serious plunge. As a diabetic (type 2) I watch my numbers carefully and have my levels under control. Out of the blue, my blood sugar readings at midday started regularly hitting the very low 60s and down in the 50s. I started being dizzy and disoriented, my vision blurred and I got very jittery, nearly like a palsy. I panicked, my wife panicked, even my endocrinologist panicked. With warnings of potential diabetic comas and the like, I was schooled in emergency measures to take and I now carry a special kit in case I pass out due to dropping blood sugar levels.

And the Hits Just Keep on Coming…

As if this was not enough to bench me, there would be a second and third attack to take me out of action for a while. I began to cough and have labored breathing. After going to the doctor, I found out that I had walking pneumonia. I was given a prescription and sent home to rest. After a week I realized that I was not getting better, in fact, was getting worse.

After returning to the doctor., having five vials of blood drawn and a series of chest x-rays; I found out that I had full blown pneumonia. Fluid in both lungs. I was prescribed more antibiotics, steroids, two types of cough medicine and again sent back home to rest and get better. At least I was not hospitalized as well. I was, however, cut off from all of you. Silenced in my mission, but not in my prayers.

Faith Wins, Every Time

I am now back to work, building up to a full day. Pneumonia saps your strength and leaves you with no energy. I am told that I should expect to take about a month to fully recover. I realize now why so many of our older folks die from having pneumonia. Whether from having too much pride or from not girding myself from evil, the Devil stopped me in my tracks. But no more! God protected me, after all. Get thee behind me Satan! Be gone. You hold no power over me, for I belong to God Almighty! By the Power of the Holy Spirit, I will continue my Commission!

 

 

 

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Get Thee Behind Me, Satan!

Dear ones, I am under attack. I believe that you are the reason, and it makes my heart sing out with joy! In the last couple of weeks since I last posted, my life has been rocked by hardship. My very life has been threatened by sickness by which I have been cut off from everything. I have become the target of the Evil One. This is my simple prayer. I declare in the Name of God, the Father; God, the Son; and God, the Holy Spirit that the powers used against me, and you, cannot stand up to the Power of the name of our God. Get thee behind me Satan, be gone!

Things have been going well here on The Narrow Path. There has been a growing number of believers who have found their way here every day. Because of the blog, I was recently asked to preach a sermon at a statewide teleconference Bible Study called Thee Real Bible Class. I was honored to be invited, but I am no preacher. However, I do love a good soapbox to stand on and I believe that God has put me to work to use the gifts that He has provided.

God uses the Broken

I spoke to the group about God’s Divine use of the broken to accomplish His work in this world. The Holy Spirit guided my words and the message went over well. The next day I got confirmation of the power that there had been in the message. Apparently, the group wanted me back.  All the glory be to God! My prayers had been answered and my mouth had opened but His words came out.

There were more new subscribers to sign up here on TheNarrowPath.net and the week finished with a bang. God had shown pleasure in my mission to reach out to those in need of His presence in their lives. I could feel it and I dropped my guard. That is when the manure hit the rotary oscillator.

I believe that, as Christians on a mission to carry God’s message, we are susceptible to the attention of Satan and his minions. That he places obstacles in our paths and, at the very least, attempts to distract us from our missions. He takes pleasure in making our lives uncomfortable if he can; if we let him.

Prayer for Protection

I have been making it a part of my daily prayers for some time to pray to be surrounded by a hedge of God’s protection to keep the Evil One and his machinations at bay so that I, and my loved ones, might be safe from harm. The Devil loves to cause trouble for those whose souls do not belong to this world. We, as individuals, are not strong enough on our own to fight all the darkness that he has at his disposal. But he cannot stand against the power of our God, The Name of Jesus, or the Light of the Holy Spirit. We must not hesitate to call upon The Trinity to come to our aid and have faith that we will be rescued.

In taking pride in God’s works, my prayers slipped. I did not include my prayers for protection for a few days and I left myself vulnerable to attack. The Evil One saw a chance to slow down one of God’s servants, even one who plays as small a part as I, and he began his work to disrupt mine.

Next time I’ll fill you in on exactly what has been going on but, in the meantime, please pray for your own protection and that of your loved ones. The Devil cannot take you from God’s Love and care but he can sure cause more misery in your lives than you care to experience. God can fix that. Seek Him. Ask Him. He wants to hear from you.

Until next time,

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Praise Him in the Storm, Part 2

After the last post, I would like to share with you a bit about one of God’s Saints who defined the strength of faith and the ability to praise Him in a storm. We should all be gifted enough in our lives to know someone like this. I was fortunate enough to be loved and blessed by this daughter of our King. Cynthia (my wife) grew up with and got into the mischief of her youth with Donna. I came to know her later in life but was instantly given a place in her heart and the hearts of her family. She was still full of mischief and the sparkle in her eyes was a beautiful advertisement for what was brewing in her head. Sadly, we lost this precious light after a crushing storm. These words are in memoriam to Donna after the storm.

Donna’s storm

Donna was diagnosed in September of 2016 as having Glioblastoma, a very aggressive, devastating form of brain cancer. This is the same cancer as John McCain was diagnosed with. I must say here that I am not a doctor nor am I a trained clinician, I have a layman’s understanding and must speak as a layman. When Donna was first diagnosed, she was given only three months to live if she went untreated. If she agreed to the rigorous treatment plan she might have a year. Donna prayed with her family and friends for guidance and for healing. In the end, she decided to follow the doctor’s advice and try to remove the tumor.  Surgery was a success and the surgeon proclaimed that scans showed that they “had gotten it all.”

The insidious thing about this particular cancer is that it grows appendages that dig deep into the brain. On the ends of those appendages the cancer plants seeds in the brain’s tissue. As I understand things, it is nearly impossible to remove all of this deadly intruder. As you might surmise, “we got it all” soon turned into the cancer is back and it has grown. Donna’s faith never wavered. She kept believing in God’s healing Grace. She told everyone that all was well, that she was in God’s hands.

Donna and her husband, Fred, traveled to MD Anderson Cancer Institute in Houston, TX, for treatments that left her drained and sickened. Away from her family and loved ones, living in a travel trailer loaned by a friend for weeks at a time; Donna and Fred did the best that they could to live a “normal” life and they never stopped praising God for His goodness. They never stopped witnessing about the healing power of God, of the love of the Father.

There were many treatments. Many trips to MD Anderson. Houston soon became their second home. The tumor’s growth might slow for a bit but it continued to grow. Donna continued to tell everyone that God would heal her of her cancer. She continued to inspire all whom she came into contact with because of her trust in the Lord. We continued to pray but Donna was getting weaker and the effects of her cancer were taking their toll. During all her ordeal there had been momentary breaks in the clouds, the rain had slackened up for a bit but the storm still raged. For everyone except Donna.

Always His

Her family was constantly gathered at her side. Though she was now spending most of her time confined to bed, weak and hardly able to speak above a whisper, her faith in God was so many times larger than the tumor that refused to relent. “I’m in God’s hands”, she would tell us in her labored breath. We began to hold vigil as Donna slept. Having to be content with holding her hand, whispering I love you in her ear, kissing her brow while there appeared no let up in the storm.

Donna’s Storm is Over

At 5:45 AM on August 30, 2017, the storm was over. Donna left this world behind. Her suffering was over. She had been right all along, she was in God’s hands, in His loving arms. As she took her last breath on this earth, she took the next breath in Paradise. She is looking down on her family and loved ones from Heaven, doing exactly what she always did. She is praising God, walking with Jesus, and casting her love out to all those whom she counted hers.

Cyn and Donna

Donna had proven more right than we had known. God might not have healed her cancer in this world but He had certainly healed her in the next world. Her illness, as horrible as it was, had been for the good. She blessed her children and grandchildren with her ever solid faith. Donna was a shining example of what we should all aspire to be. Donna lived her life in this world for the Glory of God. She shared her faith with so many people. My friend had been a Warrior for Christ and through her faith, she became the Hero of many. She certainly found a triumphant reception in Heaven. Donna has found the rainbow after the storm.

 

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Healing Revealed… No Theatrics Required

As I left the true story of my soul-crushing experience with the fake healer/showman/thief who robbed God’s people of both their money and a true miracle; I was burdened with playing a part in persuading some that miracles and healing do not happen. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Miracles and miraculous healing happen as surely as we all draw breath. In fact, if one is in doubt of this very statement I invite you to watch the birth of a child. I believe that a live birth of a tiny human being is one of the most overlooked miracles in this world. Friends, this ain’t no cosmic sneeze. Miracles exist all around us. No special effects are required, no smoke and mirrors… No theatrics necessary.

As I previously left off, I was in a funk. Unable to reconcile my part in a horrible sham. The feeling of guilt was hard to shake and I had begun to question whether all faith healers and evangelists were involved in the same type of hoax. In my heart of hearts, I knew that this last could not be true, but there were so many of these televangelists out there working this same angle or something similar. One touted working miracles if you made a contribution wherein he sent you a piece of one of his ties somehow through which miracles would happen. One beseeched you to lay your hands on the television and your divine healing would take place. My mind kept asking, “ what if?”

Where had healing gone

Scriptures are clear, but we have traveled so far down the darkened path from the healing that Jesus and His Disciples performed in the Bible. The Church, somewhere around 300 years after Jesus, began to take healing out of the hands of the faithful and hoarded it, only to be done by the priesthood.  Healing in the name of Christ Jesus and done by the Holy Spirit nearly stopped being practiced because of jealousy. The clergy wanted all the cool stuff for themselves! How dare the rabble, whom they felt beneath their lofty position, lay claim to such a gift from God? For decades, centuries even, healing slipped out of sight. People began to feel that it no longer existed. That the Holy Spirit had, somehow, lost the will or power to heal.

Never really gone

Healing has enjoyed a bit of resurgence in recent years, thanks in part to the faith of some true believers in Jesus Christ. There had been no statute of limitations in the New Testament. Jesus did not write an expiration date to the “Great Commission.”  He never said, “Hey, you guys go out and spread the Good News, heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, but give it a rest after a couple hundred years.” Thanks to the likes of Billy Graham, Francis and Judith MacNutt, and many others, healing is enjoying a revival.

Personal revelation

My wife and I were invited to attend a healing conference put on by St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, the Church we attended in Collierville, TN.  This was somewhere around 2010. I was to run sound for the weekend and my wife was to receive healing prayer because she suffered from Fibromyalgia for many years. Fibro, for those who are not familiar, is a chronic pain disorder that is still somewhat of a mystery and it absolutely cripples many of its sufferers.  Cynthia was one of those who suffered the pain and several related disorders including Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  She had taken nearly every drug known to modern medicine to end her pain, including up to five doses of morphine daily. Nothing was entirely effective and many were not effective for long. We welcomed any attempt to stop her suffering.

There were around 60 people who attended the conference. The headline speaker was an Episcopal Priest from the United Kingdom. He was humbly and comfortably dressed. He looked a little like the Renaissance paintings of St. Nicholas. A jolly sort with a comfortable, disarming voice. His honesty and sincerity were beyond a doubt. He talked about healing and how he had seen it take hold of many who had faith enough to believe it could happen. He was careful to state that he didn’t feel that people were infirm because of a lack of faith or that they were somehow at fault for their maladies. Sinfulness might not be the reason for their illness.

He made quite the impression. Not because he was some kind of showman, quite the contrary. He believed that Jesus Christ had given His followers a gift. Those followers, with the help of the Holy Spirit, could come to Him in prayer and because of His mercy and love for us, He would grant more than we might hope to ask. The Grace of God was palpable in the room. Our speaker believed and we were convinced that he was right. It is a wonderful place to stand, in the midst of a blossoming, spring-like eruption of Faith.

Come Holy Spirit

The time to test our new-found confidence came and Cyn stepped forward to take a seat before Father Jeff Marx, Jean Woods, and Mike Gibson. These three were our friends. Like us in many ways. I will be forever grateful for their faith in workings of the Holy Spirit. I stood behind my wife with my hands on her shoulders. Our prayer warriors began to pray. They were soft, sincere, comforting and they prayed to God as though he was sitting in our midst. As you know, Christ promised to be in our midst when two or more of us were gathered in His name. The three prayed, they shed tears and they asked Jesus to heal my wife, to remove her pain. There were no harsh spotlights, no microphones. There was only heartbreaking realism as these three faith-filled disciples of Christ poured out their energy in prayer to the Savior, the Healer. They begged Jesus to turn my wife into the person that He already saw her as, his perfect child.

What began to happen next was the part that got my attention and proved to me before the praying stopped that the Holy Spirit had been present in that small, still place.  The room was full of small groups who were praying their own prayers. We were not alone but the others may as well have been miles away. All I could hear was the sound of these wonderful prayers and my wife’s quiet tears. To my amazement, I began to feel a power, like an electrical current, traveling up my arms from the spot where my hands lay gently on Cyn’s shoulders. I could not have moved my hands if I had wanted to move them. I knew at that moment that my wife was being healed and that I was being included in the miracle of God’s Presence. I was being marked just as Thomas had been marked as a true believer when he put his fingers in the wounds on the resurrected Christ’s side. From that moment, that precise moment, I would never doubt again.

The praying stopped. Everyone in our little group was exhausted. Most had tears visible on their angelic faces. Cynthia sat for a moment, unable to stand on unsteady legs. We all knew that something amazing had happened. We had witnessed a miracle. Had been a conduit for the Power of our living Savior. He loved us not just enough to show up, He loved us enough to keep His promise and granted far more than was asked. Cynthia slowly stood, a look of pleasant awe on her face. She was spent. I helped her upstairs to a room in the venue where she could rest. She rejoined us a couple hours later after a restorative nap. She knew that she was different. We all did. She would never be as she had once been.  She had been touched by the healing power of prayer. Christ had laid his hands on her just as surely as I had.

It is now several years later. Cynthia has never, since that blessed day, had to take another morphine pill. She quit them cold, with no withdrawal. She still gets tired but she is no longer in pain. She is, as I have been, blessed beyond measure by the personal touch from our Creator. We will never again have any doubts about the healing power of prayer. Our God is just waiting to hear from us. He is always faithful. He is ever Merciful. No special effects, no smoke, and mirrors needed.

Seek and Ye shall find

Unfortunately, we turned to God as somewhat of a last resort. Sadly, it had not been our first approach to healing. Sadder indeed, is that we were not the only ones who turn to the Healer late in our need. He is only a bowed head, a trusting heart, and fervent prayer away. The coolest part is that He wants to show us how much He loves us. All we have to do is to give Him the chance.

 

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Confession is good for the soul

This is the true story of a series of events that took place back in the mid-80’s in Little Rock, AR. I am sharing the details with you as a sort of confession. After all, I’ve been told that “confession is good for the soul.” I believe that my very soul was battered and bruised as I was associated with some heinous activities, done in the name of the Lord. The names I shall use are real. Because these are true facts, witnessed by more than a few people at the time of occurrence, I have no need to fear a suit for slander nor defamation of character. I am neither judge nor jury but I must believe that God will surely call the guilty to account for these crimes upon His children that were perpetrated in His Name.

As I stated, the story begins in the mid-1980’s. I was working in the Production Department at an independent UHF TV station in Little Rock when two others and I were approached to do some freelance work outside the station for a three-night televangelist’s program to take place in our Convention Center. The pay was good, very good, and the event did not interfere with our day jobs so Dan, John and I agreed to take on the project. I was to run sound while John and Dan were to run cameras. We arrived at the venue at the appointed time and met with the director. We should have turned on our heels and run with his first question.

After introductions and the slightest of niceties, the Director’s first question shot straight to the mark. He asked us, “Are any of you particularly religious?” As you might imagine, we three were a bit taken aback. Our best-shocked response was to tell him that two of us were Catholic and one was Baptist but we would be okay with whatever took place. I had no idea how sadly wrong I had been.

We began to get our instructions for the event and our eyes were further widened. John and Dan were told by the Director that, “sex sells.” He only wanted to see pretty ladies and handsome men on camera, dressed in nice clothes, showing bright smiles. He didn’t want to see shots of the common men or women. No video of country-looking people in overalls and jeans. I should remind you again that this was Little Rock, AR. The middle of a very agriculturally oriented state with people who were quite happy to be living a bucolic life. I like country folks. I like small towns. I was offended. The vast majority of the attendees would have been too. Again, we should have bolted.

The house filled to capacity. We were SRO (Standing Room Only) and a feeling of expectant reverence filled the hall. One could look about the crowd and tell that there were a lot of people that just wanted to be in the Presence, to witness something Holy, to see first-hand a miracle. Many of these people had brought every hard-earned dime they could put together to contribute to the work of God.

When the lights came up to reveal the star of the show the crowd received him with awe. W.V. Grant stood before this house in all his resplendent glory. I was no stranger to Mr. Grant. Our station aired his shows. I had already formed an opinion on his preaching. It should suffice to say that I believe he was not the man that the late Billy Graham was. I had always thought him to be more close to a snake-oil salesman. Not the kind of guy with whom I would entrust my salvation. I would come to find out that he was that and more (or less).

He knew how to work a crowd. I will give him that. He strode the stage like a cat. Before long he had his prey in the trap. The sheep were ready for fleecing. John and Dan were instructed to shut down their cameras and step away from the camera positions as Grant’s minions passed the KFC-sized buckets for collection. Grant wanted no videotape evidence of the plate (bucket) passing. I was beginning to feel really uncomfortable.

The collection ended and W.V. Grant set about the real work of closing the trap. The “healing” portion of the program was about to be staged. Low and behold, the Director gave instructions to the cameramen describing the “miracle” that was about to happen. He described in detail how the subject to be healed would react. Exactly how he/she would swoon. How and where he/she would throw their cane or crutches into the crowd.

I must stop here and say that I believe with all my heart that God works miracles and heals through prayer. I have witnessed it first hand (that is a story for another day). I do not believe that he tells a director in a production truck ahead of time exactly how it will transpire.

People came forward to be healed and with each one, the Director knew just how it would play out. The crowd was mesmerized. I was sick at my stomach. The trap had been skillfully set and closed on the unsuspecting prey.

Another collection was made. The same instructions were given to the cameramen. In fact, there were five, yes five, collections taken each night. I just knew that the Pulaski County Sherrif’s Department would be waiting for us when we left. These poor sheep, God’s flock, were being fleeced by a fraud. This swindler robbed these people as surely as if he held them at gunpoint. And I was not only a witness, I had been a coward and done nothing to stop it. To make matters worse, I came back for two more nights and the scenario was identical, right down to the people who were healed.

These needy souls, in search of a touch from God, came by the hundreds, by the thousands, to be nearer to their God who works miracles. Their faith drove them to the venue as surely as their cars brought them. They paid for tickets, for the privilege of being near His Holy Presence and they were violated, robbed by the very man from whom they expected great things.

I know that sin is sin and I have been told that there are no degrees of sinfulness. I have a bit of trouble with that. I have always seen someone who has raped a child, vandalized a church, or committed some other terrible crime against God to have committed a more weighty sin than say a shoplifter. I’m still working on that.

I make no excuses for my part in this sham. I can only say that I was not then the man I am now. This series of events actually helped to form the future Bill. I spent a lot of time in prayer in the days following. I spent much time telling God of my shame and begging to be forgiven. The telling of this story serves a couple of purposes. My conscience is finally clear, and maybe in the telling, someone else might not fall prey to this thief in preacher’s clothing.

( As a Post Script to this writing, in case you are curious, Grant’s shady character did catch up to him this side of Heaven. He was convicted of tax evasion and sent to prison after taking funds from his church in Dallas, TX to make a downpayment on his million dollars plus home there and never bothering to report the $100,000 as income. Upon his release from prison, he has returned to his “ministry.”)

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God speaks. Faith awakens.

This is a true story that might be the beginning of my true walk with God. It is surely the beginning of my witness, my testimony. The awakening of my Faith. I am telling this for you, Abbie. You are a dear friend and you hold an important place in my heart. I know you will feel the rawness of the telling. I hope it moves all my readers as much as it does me in the telling.

Back in the late 70’s my wife and I had tried nearly every method to get pregnant with no success. After three years of disappointment we grew frustrated, as one might expect. Her doctor flippantly told her we should try more often.  Great idea, but still no positive result. Months went by and still no baby bump.

My wife, in going through her medical records, discovered that she had never been exposed to nor had a vaccination for rubella (German measles). Being exposed to the German measles during the first trimester of pregnancy can cause catastrophic birth defects in the baby. So, as a precaution, my wife got a rubella vaccination, only to find out a few days later that she was finally pregnant.

Our world was turned upside down. Our emotions ran the gamut from shock to anger to disbelief (How could this happen to us?) to serious despair.  The doctor was certain that the only alternative that we had was to abort the baby. We consulted other medical minds and their opinions were equally dire. We must abort. The child could not possibly be born healthy.

Keep in mind that this was all going on in 1979, but the prevailing medical opinion is still not much different today with all the advancements now at our disposal.  The Center for Disease Control currently has this to say about pregnancy and exposure to rubella.

“Congenital rubella syndrome (CRS) is a condition that occurs in a developing baby in the womb whose mother is infected with the rubella virus. Pregnant women who contract rubella are at risk for miscarriage or stillbirth, and their developing babies are at risk for severe birth defects with devastating, lifelong consequences. CRS can affect almost everything in the developing baby’s body.”

 

I won’t list the possibilities, but they were and still are, gruesome, at best. What were we going to do? We fretted. We cried. We prayed. We shook our fists at God. This was the toughest decision we could imagine having to make.

My wife was seriously Catholic. Italian. Catholic schooled with all the guilt and fear of Hell that the nuns and their rulers could instill in a child. I was new to Catholicism but was pretty sure that if we did abort this pregnancy, we would be reserving a seat by the fire. More anguish. More despair. More tears.

As you probably know, we didn’t have a lot of time to put off making a decision. The day finally came and we mustered up the courage, made the call and set the appointment to end the pregnancy. Why didn’t we feel like we were doing the right thing? Days passed uneasily.

On Sunday, the day before the abortion was scheduled. We did what we always did. We had our morning coffee, got ready and went to Mass. The Church was full of eager faces. Nothing out of the ordinary. Our priest began his homily and everything changed.

All at once it was as if God himself were speaking. As though he was seated on the back of the pew just in front of us. My bride and I were held captive by every word. I could hear no other sounds around me save the words being spoken directly to me. This message had our names on it and it was being written on our hearts.

There was moisture in our eyes as the Priest finished his homily. His topic was Faith. My God had answered my prayers. He sent His answer to me as surely as I am taking a breath. My wife and I cried on the way home after Church. These were different tears. These were tears of relief.

We arrived at home and went directly to the phonebook. There were no cell phones in 1979. We managed to find the doctor’s home number and we called him. “Doctor we can’t do this. We have to cancel our appointment.” To our shock, he was relieved. He told us that professionally, he had to counsel us to abort, but as a Christian, he was happy that we had changed our minds. Everything would be fine. After all, we lived in Memphis where we had St. Jude and LeBonheur Children’s Hospitals. God would provide.

We stopped worrying that day (well mostly). Knowing that everything would turn out fine. We had a strong family behind us and the best medical facilities in the country for sick children and this child would be loved. The pregnancy passed mostly without a major snag.

Our son was born on April 7th, 1980. He had all his fingers and toes and he was healthy! Praise God! Rubella had been a factor in a minor way. Ben has a genius level IQ, a nearly eidetic memory. He is an Eagle  Scout. He once found an old pocket pager in the mud in the backyard and after cleaning it up and tinkering with it, he turned it into a radio receiver. He does, however, lack certain fine motor skills. He will never be the star quarterback. Oh well, who cares? He is a gift from God. A constant testimony to Faith!

 

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The journey begins

Today I have had the idea placed in my heart to open a document to chronical my journey.  I will not start at the very beginning, nor will start at the end, but I will try to set the stage for where I am now and how and why I have arrived at this place and state of mind. The opinions expressed here are solely mine unless otherwise noted. I have had many influences in my life, many good, many not so good, many that were bad. In the end, it is my fondest hope that I shall hear my Creator say “Well done, good and faithful servant.”(Matt. 25:23 ESV). That is closer to the end of my story, let me rewind a bit.

I am the son of a sailor. I was unchurched in my youth. I never attended any school longer than 2 years until my father retired. Oddly, I attended high school (all 4 years) with kids with whom I shared the first grade. I was a better than average student –Beta Club and National Honor Society. I was an average athlete, earning my letter in basketball and track. I made a failed attempt at college, was the president of the Residence Hall Association, served in Student Government and ultimately spent more time playing Hearts and Spades than attending class.

I have been married more than once. More than twice… a fact that I am not proud of, but in the end, I am married to the one that was meant for me. The most important factor in our longevity is that God is a third member of our union. Sadly, He was not in previous attempts, thus my track record is not what I wish it could be. My wife, Cynthia, and I have been through a lot over the years. Like many others, we have had our good times and our bad times, our sickness and health; but by God’s Grace, we have survived to find a stronger love than most discover in a lifetime.

I am a broken sinner, as I believe we all are. I believe I may have been more broken than most. I am a child of the 60’s. I experienced all that brings to mind. I worked in the bar business for years and saw, often participated in, some of the least wholesome activities imaginable. As they say, there was sex (lots of sex), drugs (too many drugs) and rock and roll. I am not proud of my time spent in darkness. I am overjoyed that Jesus Christ sought me in the darkness and extended His loving arms to pull me into the light of His Mercy. I survived, no thanks to my own efforts but by the Grace of Almighty God.

Throughout my lifetime I have grown to believe in the Truth of God’s Word, the power of prayer, the unconditional Love that we are called to offer each other, and that we are all God’s Children. We are Citizens of Heaven and sojourners in this world. Just passing through. We are being prepared for Life Eternal. For some of us, the lessons come more easily than for others of us. Many receive their gifts from God at an early age. Sadly, I have come late into my inheritance. But now that I have received, I am thirsty for all I can consume.

That which follows will reflect my journey down the path of discipleship. Join me if you are so inclined. The Holy Spirit will light the way…